PORTLAND, OR — Worship leader Paul "Seven-String" Johnson recently introduced a worship song that came out in 2021 as a "classic hymn," according to sources at Grace Explosion Church.

"Let's all join together in this ancient song of old," said Johnson. "Once in a while, it's good to dust off a hymn from the fathers of the faith."

Johnson said he was inspired to try out a classic after realizing he had played the same five songs 23 weeks in a row. "It's kind of hard to follow the outdated language from circa 2021, but I think it's worth exploring the rich history of our faith from time to time," said Johnson. "I think it will really speak to the gray-haired people out there. To be clear, we don't have any gray-haired people in our congregation — but maybe this song will change that."

For the special occasion, Johnson also dusted off an archaic instrument known as a "piano" to accompany the hymn. "I think it's pronounced 'PEE-YA-NO,'" he told the congregation as it was unveiled. "It's a way to connect to the past. We'll still add a little reverb on the speakers so it's not too weird."

At publishing time, the congregation had reportedly labeled the old song as "mid", whatever that means.

General Florg of the planet Graxon V has visited Earth - but he's having trouble understanding humans as he's never encountered a species with so many genders.